One year ago today…

One year ago today our lives changed forever.  One year ago today our prayers were answered.  One year ago today the test finally said what we had been hoping for.  One year ago today we found out our family would finally grow.  One year ago today I saw “pregnant” appear.  One year ago today we cancelled our appointment with the fertility specialist.  One year ago today God showed his faithfulness.  One year ago today.   

It is hard to believe that it has been a full year since that morning when we found out we were pregnant with Crews, our “Peanut.”  For a full year I had earnestly hoped for and prayed for another sweet baby to be added to our family.  For a full year there were many, many, pregnancy tests that only squelched the hopeful anticipation that it was “our time.”  It’s been a full year, but the feelings from that early morning are still vivid, and the feelings of those many months when my hopes to be pregnant were “crushed” are still vivid as well. 

The morning of January 19, 2011, we were scheduled to go back to the fertility specialist first thing.  I decided that just in case our miracle had happened that I would take a pregnancy test.  I knew it was early and that most likely it wouldn’t show even if I was pregnant, but thought I would try anyway.  I got up early, took the test and stood in disbelief as the word “pregnant” appeared before me.  I can’t tell you how surprised, amazed, excited, happy, thankful, and even somewhat shocked I was when I read “pregnant” on that plastic stick.  I opened the door to the bedroom and said “Jeff, I think we better cancel the appointment.”  He asked why and I gave the simplest, yet most amazing response that I had been hoping to say all year, “I’m pregnant.”  Jeff hugged me tight and told me “I told you it would happen!”  It was a wonderful moment. 

Now that Peanut is here and a part of our family I wanted to make sure to write a little about our journey in getting to where we are, a family of four.  Why?  Because even though people don’t talk about it much (and we didn’t really either), I know there are a lot of girls and couples that go through what we did.  And I know that even though a year seemed long, that others wait many, many years, and some don’t have the outcome we did.  And I know that it was a hard year for me.  It was tough to come up with a non chalant response to the question “are y’all going to have another baby” or “are you ready for baby #2?”  I can tell you that I will forever think twice about asking someone that question and most likely won’t ask that question, especially if it is not one of my very close friends.  But mainly I want to be able to read this from time to time so I can remember to thank God for answering our prayers, for being faithful, and for his grace in making us parents to another sweet child.   

It started back in the fall of 2009 when we knew we were ready to try to add another little one to our family.  I always knew I wanted more than one child, but once Ford was here I just didn’t feel “ready” yet.  When many friends were having their second baby I was still happily enjoying our Bean.  Finally we decided that Dec/Jan of 2010 would be a great time to try to expand our family.  For some reason I just felt that when we were ready to get pregnant that it would happen in the first few months.  But, month after month nothing happened.  I went to the doctor for the first time that spring to talk about it and that is when I started working with Ashley, my family nurse practitioner.  When summer arrived and still no pregnancy I was put on a low dose of chlomid to try and help my body regulate and ultimately, to help us get pregnant.  There were months I was absolutely certain that it was our time, only to be disappointed a week or two or more later.  The main side effect I experienced was being very emotional.  I found myself tearing up at very little things and very emotional each month that I wasn’t pregnant. 

At the end of December I was scheduled for and had a hysterosalpingogram which is a diagnostic tool to make sure the tubes are open.  A “by- product” of having a hsg is that it “clears” the tubes out, often resulting in pregnancy.  In fact, that is exactly what the doctor told me during the procedure.  I was hopeful that it might help, but really wasn’t thinking it would (but so thankful it did!).  The procedure was a little painful (actually a lot more than I expected), but it didn’t last long and the good news was that everything looked normal on the x-ray.  The next step for us was meeting with a fertility specialist.  I had taken six rounds of chlomid and Ashley agreed it was time to see what else we could do besides the chlomid and hsg procedure.  Jeff and I met with the doctor on January 14 for a consultation and were very encouraged.  Jeff said he wasn’t worried about it happening, but I was.  The doctor reassured us that it would happen and to throw everything I had been doing out the window.  No more temperature charts, ovulation kits, counting days etc.  She wanted us to meet back on the 19th to begin the steps for testing and a more solid plan.  On Wednesday morning, January 19 we called and cancelled that appointment.  The receptionists response was “wow, we are good!  Congrats!”  That morning I also called Ashley and she was so happy for us.  She said if I was still unsure about the test being accurate (which I was of course) that I should take another test, but that the digital ones that I used were pretty accurate, especially for a positive result.  One year to the month of when I had originally really wanted to get pregnant it happened.  Throughout the year I celebrated as friend after friend shared their good news of a pregnancy.  Each time I was so happy for them, but especially towards the end, I found myself having a pang of sadness or disappointment that we still weren’t there and just an intense longing to be able to share that same joyful news with family and friends.  Thankfully, the test was right and thankfully eight plus months later we were blessed with another precious boy. 

Looking back I know God had His plan all along.  He allowed our family of three some amazing time together, with some really special trips (like the apple orchard weekend and Disney World before Christmas), that we would not have been able to have if we had gotten pregnant when I originally wanted.  I know that there is a reason, or reasons, why God wanted us to have more time with just Ford or perhaps more years with just Crews at home once Ford is away at college (although when I ask Ford if he will call me when he is away at college he always says “you can come!”).  I can’t tell you specifically ”why,” but I trust His plan, and I celebrate His plan, and I am thankful for His plan and timing.  Having an almost four-year old when our second baby was born was not the age difference I thought we would have, but I am thankful for it.  Ford really seemed to understand from the first time we told him that God was giving us a baby.  Ford has really been a big help too and I find it so helpful that when it’s time to feed Crews Ford can continue to play or watch TV and I can go to Crews’ room and have some quiet time while I feed him, which is exactly what Ford got when he was a baby.  I love that Ford is at an age where he is truly thankful to have a brother.  I am thankful that Ford is old enough to be able to communicate his feelings to us as well.  So far he hasn’t seemed to mind having a baby in the family (and in fact really loves having Crews around), but there have been a couple times where he will say “no one will play with me” if we are busy attending to other things.  It is so helpful that he can tell us these things, rather than just crying or throwing a tantrum.  I also love that with great communication skills come sweet, precious words from our four-year old about his brother.  Things like “I love Crewsie Bear” or “Crews is my best brother!”  I love that Ford is old enough to understand how to be gentle, loving, to make his brother laugh, to kiss and hug him and just be excited about having him in our family.

So, one year later.  One year and a precious, amazing, beautiful, loving, happy 16-week old boy is in our family, our home, our lives and our hearts.  I am so thankful, grateful and humbled that God blessed us with Crews and chose me to be his Momma.  Harrison Crews was so worth the wait!

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